I thought for awhile of calling myself the “inappropriate grief coach,” mostly because of my inappropriate sense of humor. Yes, I’m probably the one that laughs at a funeral; no, not at the death itself but because it’s my way of dealing with difficult situations, death and grief included. Not everyone agrees with my sense of humor so I try to keep it at a minimum. When I actually started thinking about grief in general, not just after a human death, calling myself the “inappropriate grief coach” made me start thinking, maybe I was on to something.
We can agree to disagree because opinions, are after all like assholes, and these are strictly my opinions. When I think about grief it makes me wonder, is there ever really an appropriate time for grief? NO! If you have ever experienced a close death and remember returning to work after bereavement leave, EVERYTHING is inappropriate. You are working when you don’t feel like breathing at that moment, much less having to be around people (if you’re like me). EVERYONE saying “I’m sorry, let me know if there’s anything I can do,” because that’s the polite thing. I’m curious of how appropriate it would be if I said, “Yes there is something, a blunt and a Xanax would be helpful.” I could just imagine the shock on the face of the person and not knowing what to say, perhaps I will try this one day just to see the reactions.
Think about it, people avoid the subject of death like the plague. Why? WE ALL HAVE TO DO IT! Death and grief are messy. When people offer their condolences, we say, “thank you,” that’s the appropriate response. What is inappropriate to me is that as the grieving person we are expected to function after 3 days of bereavement leave. We are expected to return to work as normal and go on about our life after 3 days. The grieving person has trouble eating, sleeping, thinking and all they think of are if only, could have, should have. I have experienced great personal loss in many ways, which is why I’m here.
My journey has led me to become a life coach specializing in grief support. Remembering my overwhelming grief made me feel so isolated and alone. All I wanted to do was not think about it, but I also wanted to share my heartbreak. Did anyone really care? Maybe. Did they fully understand? Most, no. I understand grief at a core level and want to support others through their grief. Everything about grief is inappropriate but as I’m learning more about the spiritual, physical, and mental aspects of life, death, dying and beyond, I know I am being led to heal in this capacity. As “the inappropriate grief coach” I don’t mind listening to where you are in your grief. It’s not up to me to tell you to “move on or get over it,” I simply want to be there with you as you decide what’s next. It’s your grief, and your choice of how to move forward.
Grief is not only physical death. Job loss, pet loss, divorce, loss of self, and so forth. There are so many facets to grief. Maybe you walked away from an opportunity and you’ve never grieved over it. Whatever inappropriate grief you’re carrying, maybe it’s time to figure out what’s next.